it hurts to say goodbye, but it always comes around, doesn’t it?
this is what i get for not being able to control myself, and for that i’m sorry. but we were bound to drag each other down, sooner or later. i hope you’ll be able to forgive me for this. hopefully i’ll be able to forgive myself
my chest feels heavy heavy heavy.
one year and i’m still missing you, even though you’re in a better place. no more suffering, no more pain. no tears yet, but there’s a cloud over my head, an iron pressing on my heart.
we’ve lost such a precious gift. but your love remains, and that’s the important part.
i’m glad i have something to celebrate now, rather than feeling the need to mourn that whole day. it’s like a gift from you, like a reward for surviving a year without you. and while there will always be sadness in the approach, knowing there will be joy and life to celebrate makes it better. a bittersweet memento, in a way. of what’s important. i’m glad i can make someone’s day special rather than feeling like i’m stuck in a rut of sadness. i guess what i’m trying to say is thank you and i’m glad i was put in the right place at the right time.
first full day back home for thanksgiving break, and my mom is cooking a ham so we have ham leftovers instead of turkey. haha i love my family. making the most of this “break” and relaxing while i can, sleeping as much as i can so i can work super hard on homework and selling shoes on black friday
today was a good day. went to yankee candle with my mom, just the two of us. haven’t been in so long, i forgot how cool it was. got my roommate a christmas present, drove back to western mass and went to the holyoke mall. got a new coat a sweatshirt thanks to my momma. good family dinner. actually read some of my book and watched nicholas cage be weird in national treasure 2. today was good. i feel like i can breathe again, less pressure on my chest. less than yesterday. and then tomorrow i’m going to the quadrangle with my dad to look at art and rocks and things like that. maybe hike? just have to remember to breathe, breathe, breathe.
also, totally head over heels in love with brand new’s album the devil and god are raging inside me. unnfffff
stressed stressed stressed out about my living situation for next year. getting advice, but it’s split down the middle and i don’ know what to do right now and i hate feeling this anxious. and i need to know by probably tomorrow at the latest. gahh. buttt my parents are taking me out to dinner soon and everything will be fine. i just need to breathe and let this thing work itself out.
also, my cat wanted to spoon with me earlier. her choosing, although gladly accepted
just woke up to a woman screaming at her baby daddy across the street, throwing a fit because he was leaving her. apparently she was being pinned to the sidewalk by another lady so that he could drive away? terrifying.
